 |
||||
 |
|
|||
 |
||||
WHEN I WAS A KID
There haven’t been too many people who sent in their version of “When I Was Your Age” for my contest. There have been two up to now. Here is the one that my friend Lanny Johnson gave me to share with you all.
When I was a Kid . . . we had to get caught alone on the playground (no teachers watching) by a bully to encounter a predator. We couldn’t just log on to the world wide web to encounter one.
we had to wait until 5:00 pm each day for the news to come on TV. We didn’t have any 24 news channels. When we watched the news, we had to watch actual current events affecting the world. We didn’t have the privilege of seeing endless pontificating on the latest gossip about a no talent celebrity instead of actual newsworthy content.
we had to purchase our necessities from a local business that would contribute to the community. We didn’t have the option of traveling to make our purchases at a giant national retailer that didn’t contribute anything to the local community, except token gestures to fool consumers into thinking it really cared about them.
our standard of living wasn’t maintained at the expense of future generations. Fiscal responsibility was learned by elected officials.
we got our hearts pierced, not our eyebrows, belly buttons, noses, etc.
our sports heroes had to have talent and train hard. They couldn’t rely on steroids or drugs. They also had to play for the love of the sport, not just for more money than the GNP of some countries.
if we got into an auto accident, we just got thrown around (or out), we didn’t have air bags.
we had to be afraid of Cuba and Communism. We didn’t have middle eastern terrorists to strike fear in the hearts of all westerners.
we didn’t experience school shootings. We had to go to the Post Office for that.
gay rights meant we could be happy if we wanted to be.
A jury didn’t award us obscene amounts of money for spilling hot coffee on ourselves, they were expected to use common sense.
we didn’t get to worry about someone tampering with over-the-counter drugs. All we got to worry about was razor blades in apples.
we learned how a bird flew, not how to prevent the bird flu.
we had to learn it was conceivable for a candidate to win the popular vote for president, but still lose. We didn’t get to actually live it.
we had to attend church or school and listen to the parishioners or students, to hear someone without any talent singing. We couldn’t tune in a hit show on TV to see and hear it.
we had to move to another country if we wanted to lose our rights. We couldn’t just have our elected officials pass a “patriot” act to take them away.
we had to learn about the birds and the bees from our friends and from questionable reading material. We couldn’t learn about them from TV commercials that explained possible side effects of new drugs.
we had to travel by car if we wanted take a long, boring trip. We couldn’t fly commercially and be held captive by delays for a long, boring trip.
elected officials had to accept responsibility for their escapades when they were caught, they couldn’t just check in to re-hab.
we had to eat something like potato salad, left out too long at a potluck dinner to get food born illness. We couldn’t just buy a product by a national corporation, purposely cutting safety standards, to get deathly sick.
we had to do something despicable against our country to be called unpatriotic, we couldn’t just disagree with a current elected official’s misguided policy to be called unpatriotic.
we had the cold war and had to worry about global destruction instead of global warming (partially contributed by us and our country) resulting in possible global destruction.
we had to listen to our parents generation talk about how tough they had it when they were kids. We didn’t make others read our own self righteous lists about “when I was a kid.”
we worried about the leaders of our country being shot, not about one of our leaders shooting someone. young people joined the national guard to avoid being sent to fight in an unpopular war, they didn't join the guard and then get sent to fight in an unpopular war.
When I was a kid - I was a lot younger.
By: Lansford Johnson
Authors’ note: Many of the stories featured in this column are included in "Owen’s Pretty
Good Book" which is about growing up in rural North Dakota, leaving to
have adventures and coming back to live and raise a family. They make
terrific presents. You can get copies by calling me at
701-824-2948. I offer volume discounts! They are also available at the
Herald office.
|
||||
| |
|
|||
| |
||||